Here I am telling myself that I'd rather never have it, than have it and lose it. The cowardice!

At least I know what The Feeling feels like. I’m luckier than most.
Of course I crave nothing more in life than to have that Soulness again – my life lessons have all been preparing me for it.

Of all of the hundreds, even thousands of boys and men I've met in my life – why would I remember that one?
And why a nine year old?
Why did I have such feelings of completeness when I was with him that my subconscious carried them into adulthood and into my dreams?